This post brought to you by Walmart. All opinions are 100% mine.
Moms of NICU Babies Need Special Support
I haven’t told my three birth stories here (yet), but let’s just say that I did NOT have easy pregnancies and births. (Are any of them easy, though?!) In fact, two of my three babies were “NICU Babies.” Meaning, two of my three babies had medical emergencies upon birth that required time in the neonatal intensive care unit. And while every minute that your newborn is in the NICU feels excruciating, I was fortunate that Sawyer and J.C.’s NICU stays were relatively short; only 10 days and 21 days respectively. My heart ached to see the other moms of other NICU babies who were there for months and months. From my own experience and from observing theirs, I’ve come up with some ways that you can help and support those brave mamas…
Ways to Support Moms of NICU Babies
- Don’t Expect to Visit – NICUs have very strict visitation policies. In my experience, we could only have two people at a time, one being the parent. So grandparents took top priority and all other visitors were limited.
- Offer Childcare – I wanted to spend every moment possible with my NICU Babies. Since Sawyer was my first, I was able to stay with him round-the-clock. But when J.C. was born, I still had to care for Sawyer and Priscilla. Thankfully, I had help from their dad and my family, so I didn’t have to worry about them and could focus on my sick newborn. If you know a mama with a NICU baby and older kids, too, offer to care for her older kids so she can be at the NICU as much as possible.
- Wait on the Baby Gifts – Most hospitals have policies that limit what items (blankets, clothing, etc.) can be brought into the NICU and be in contact with the babies. It’s best to wait on the cutesy baby gifts until baby comes home.
- Give a Gas Card or Cash Instead – We were fortunate to live pretty close to our NICU hospital, but many families have to travel quite a distance to visit their NICU babies. And sometimes have to stay in hotels, too. Gift cards for gas or cash for their hotel stay would be more helpful than baby gifts.
- Just Listen; Don’t Pry – Offer a listening ear if a NICU mama needs to talk, but don’t pry about all of the medical details. Often those details are complicated, overwhelming and sometimes uncertain. Your mom friend will share what she feels comfortable sharing when the time feels right for her.
- Stay FAR AWAY if You’re Sick – It’s a no-brainer that NICU babies need to be protected from germs and illnesses; but SO DO THEIR MOMS! If mom is sick – even with a common cold – she might not be able to visit her own baby. So if you’re sick at all, stay clear of mama, too.
- Limit Advice – NICU babies often have special needs – even after their homecoming – that are unique. If you don’t have experience with that particular situation, try to be sensitive to her situation and limit baby advice. It might just frustrate your mom friend more.
- Support the Children’s Miracle Network! – Many NICU hospitals get funding from the Children’s Miracle Network for research, special training, and expensive medical equipment. Why not make a donation in honor of your friends little one?
Supporting the Children’s Miracle Network & It’s Partners
Another way to support the Children’s Miracle Network is through the companies that partner with them. For the month of June, Pampers® has partnered with Walmart to make a donation for $200,000 to the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals. Coinciding with their charitable contribution, Pampers® is offering the Pampers® Huge Box available online at Walmart. The Huge Box includes more than 100 diapers! So when you purchase a Pampers® Huge Box, you’ll be saving money and supporting the Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals, too! “A heartbeat this small needs a Huge Box that makes a difference.“
Were you a mom of a NICU baby? What would you add to the list of ways to support NICU moms? Share in the comments below!
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Melissa says
Our grand man was 8 wks early. Thank you for the idea of supporting The Children’s Miracle Network. I also thought about doing something each year on his birthday for the Nicu parents. So thank you for all the gift card ideas!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Oh, you’re so welcome! Is he out of the NICU now? I hope he is doing well.
Jill says
These are great ideas for showing support and care while being respectful of the situation.
You could offer to help the parents with tasks that might be overlooked while they are focused on the baby, such as lawn care, walk their pets, or make them a few meals.
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Bobbie says
This is such a great idea!! I felt let no one understood anything that was going on. My son was 6 weeks early with respiratory issues. I felt like I was alone. The nurse I had at the time helped me alot and acutally changed my mind of being a EMT/FF 911 dispatcher. I am currently working on getting into nursing school to become a pedi nurse and help those families. A big shout out to the Ronald Mc Donald House to they helped support me with a roof over my head, food in my belly and someone to talk to/ lean on for the why questions. But now my little man is 7 yrs old and 100% bigger and taller then all the other kiddos. God Blesses us in so many ways.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
So very cool that your experience led you into nursing!! It’s amazing how God lets our children change us, isn’t it?!
Laura says
Great list!
Restaurant gift cards were the best thing people gave us. My DS was 7 weeks early and struggles with reflux and feeding issues so he stayed at our birth hospital for 5 weeks and the transferred to Vanderbilt Children’s for the last two before coming home. Because of my husbands work schedule and the nurse shift change at the first hospital we set dinner out every day for those 7 weeks. It was so helpful for our budget to have gift cards to nearby places.
I would also add, though this seems obvious, don’t post anything to social media about their baby(ies) without permission even if you are family. A pair of twins came in while we were in our small NICU and one of their family posted pics they took from the small visitors window to Facebook and the mother hadn’t even seen the babies yet!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Oh yes – that’s such a great point. Social media makes things so much more complicated nowadays, doesn’t it?
Carrie Wilson says
My son was 4weeks early so I didn’t even have a hospital bag ready yet. My best friend went to my house did laundry, cleaned my house and brought stuff we all would need. The practical things were what we needed most since we were so emotional we couldn’t think straight.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
What a sweet friend! I was in the same boat, by the way, with my youngest born 5 weeks early. We were not prepared at all!
Tiffany says
What great ideas! My son was in NICU for 3 days, he was full term but had seizures at 3 days old. So nowhere near what some Mothers go through.
One of the greatest things my best friend did for me was just sat down in front of me and started to rub my feet. Talk about heaven! Some people might find that really personal but it was the best thing. But other ideas that I can think for is personal items especially if the Mom just had the baby, offer to wash what clothes she has with her at the hospital (clean underwear was my issue), just to offer to walk outside for 10 minutes with the Mom (I found it cleared my head). Just be understanding, there was so many unanswerable questions when you have a baby in the NICU, offering an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on is the most amazing thing.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Yes – the simple walk outside is a great idea, too! So glad you had a caring friend, too.
Laura says
Getting outside was huge for me too! If I had any postpartum it was about 4 days after my baby was born. I had been in my hospital room for a week at that point and couldn’t stop crying. My husband couldn’t take any more days off work at that point but I just felt so closed in and the walls were smothering me and I begged him to come and stay with me but he just could t. My doctor have me permission to go have lunch in the cafeteria and take a short walk around the halls and it was heaven. The only thing that would have made it better would have been having a friend with me, but I chatted with my mom on the phone so that helped.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Thanks so much for sharing, Laura! Yes, that room feels so suffocating – especially without your baby inside with you!
Michelle H says
I was just speaking with another “NICU mom” about this this morning. My boys were 5 weeks early and only spent 16 days in NICU, but every moment I wasn’t able to be there with them was excruciatingly sad. I was caught off guard by the lack of offers to watch my older boys and also the blanket comments telling me “not to worry-they’ll be home soon.” Really great advice here. Thank you.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Yes, those “blanket comments” can be really frustrating since we know – when we’re in there seeing all of the babies – that every situation is different.
Rivka says
We are on day 91 in the NICU and still counting. I have appreciated the months of meals that people have brought us and the childcare offered by so many. Some people sent their teenagers over to help with housework. Holiday invites have been invaluable. Then there where the little personal things people have done. A friend bought me a smoothie on my way to the hospital. On a hard day and other friend brought me a chocolate bar. A neighbor picked up a prescription for my son from the pediatrician. Parents in my children’s classes have invited them over a lot and made the feel special. One of my daughters’ teachers gave her extra attention and homework help. What I have appreciated the most though are the people who don’t assume that they know what I want or how I feel. Its the people who have treated me like before and who have stood by me that have really helped.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
First, {HUGS} to you!! I cannot even imagine 91 days. And yes, those little things are so so wonderful. Especially the extra attention to the other kids. I was very nervous when my youngest was in the NICU that my oldest would be missing me with all of the time I spent there. Great tips, Mama!!
Nikki says
My son was a preemie, born 14 weeks early at only 2lbs 5 oz. he stayed in the NICU for 57 days. Gas cards would have been a wonderful idea as I was driving up there twice a day!! Also dinners or even gift cards to eateries since that leaves little time to cook!!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Oh yeah – restaurant gift cards are a great idea, too. That hospital food gets old fast.
Jana says
Fabulous list! May I also add that the battle doesn’t end when baby is released. Our dd was still under 5lbs when we finally brought her home, and I can’t tell you how many times I was given the eye roll or heard ‘oh first time mom’ when I asked people to wash their hands or stay away if they were sick. It isn’t the same as a healthy full-term baby, and it wasn’t about trying to build her immunity. It was about trying to keep her healthy enough to grow and prevent her from a return trip to the nicu!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Oh yes – you are SO RIGHT! I forgot how we had to “hold our babies hostage” in the house for a time afterward!