This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Sam’s Club. All opinions are 100% mine.
When Is It OKAY to STOP Breastfeeding?
It’s time to be brutally honest; breastfeeding sucked for me (no pun intended). With my Sawyer, who was in the NICU, I had NO support or information, NO milk supply, and was not allowed to let him latch at all. I stopped trying after a week. With my Priscilla, who was born via VBAC, I was determined to try everything to make breastfeeding work. I had armed myself with all of the knowledge needed and a support system, too. And I tried everything – from the brutal pumping routines to a supplemental nursing system. And ultimately ended up nursing her with lots of formula supplementation until she was 8 months old. Then, with my J.C., who was also in the NICU, I was determined to NOT stress about breastfeeding. I tried the pumping routines for a couple weeks, but decided to stop that exhausting process when it was clear that my milk supply would once again be an issue and the stress started to take away from my relationship with my little guy. So even though this post is sponsored by SIMPLY RIGHT™ Infant Formula, it is by no means biased by that fact – It is simply based on my own personal experiences – my own struggles – as a breastfeeding and formula-feeding mama. I just want to offer some comfort and support to those moms – like me – who need to stop breastfeeding for whatever reason.
Things to Consider When You Stop Breastfeeding
I knew there must be other moms out there who had trouble breastfeeding or even who didn’t have trouble, but had to stop for some reason or another. Here are a few things to consider to get over the guilt from a few mama friends who’ve been there!
Think of the Good You Have Already Done! – “I have had to stop twice. With my second daughter she was allergic to something in my diet and we couldn’t figure out what. She was only three months old and I was devastated. I remember talking to the nurse and I started crying on the phone. She gave me great advice. She said, ‘Think of the good you have already done for her by breast feeding her these three months. Don’t feel bad. She will be just fine!’ That really helped me get through the guilt of having to stop.” Karyn of Teach Beside Me
Is It Worth the Stress? – “Breastfeeding was never right for me. While the nurses and doctors stress that it’s ‘best,’ if you’re annoyed or frustrated at having to do it, the baby will sense that too. I found bottle-feeding to be just as wonderful a bonding experience, and one that my husband could participate in too.” Emma of P is for Preschooler
Is It Physically Painful? – “The common response from many health professionals if you tell them that breast feeding hurts, is to tell you you aren’t doing it right. It is true that if a baby doesn’t latch on properly it can be very painful. And sometimes not latching on is due to the baby not being held in the right position. But there are other reasons. For example no one ever told me about tongue tie. This is a condition that can effect as many as one in ten babies and yet its not mentioned in the breast feeding classes, and when I complained that breast feeding hurt, at no point did anyone check whether Goblin had tongue tie. Breast feeding can also hurt because of cracked nipples, mastitis, thrush, or milk blisters. And it can hurt because your baby chomps. It is implied in much breast feeding literature that these things only occur in the early days of breast feeding. This is simply not true.” The Monko of Taming the Goblin
Is It Affecting Your Relationship with Your Baby? – “While I was able to successfully nurse Priscilla for 8 months (with formula supplementation), the long process at each feeding of breastfeeding, then supplementing, then pumping became exhausting and led me to almost resent the entire experience (and dare I even say resent my baby?!) instead of appreciate it. I learned from that experience that I didn’t want to have the same frustration and resentment with my next child, J.C., so I stopped before it got to that point.” Krissy of B-Inspired Mama
It’s OKAY to Use Formula – Really!
Infant formula ended up being a necessity for each of my 3 babies. It was a lifesaver actually. (Especially for my Priscilla when she had severe jaundice and needed nutrition that I couldn’t give.) And while I did have guilt at first, I can honestly say that I don’t anymore. I know that my babies will be okay having their formula nutrition. Especially since infant formulas are now so advanced.
SIMPLY RIGHT™ Infant Formulas (available at Sam’s Club) provide great nutrients for your baby and Clinically proven to support growth and development, now with Lutein for brain and eye health, too. And after spending so much on books and supplements and systems to help me breastfeed, formula feeding was actually pretty affordable! Check out the comparison of SIMPLY RIGHT™ Baby Care Gentle® with another leading “gentle” formula…
But regardless of the formula brand, I’m here to tell you that IT’S OKAY TO USE FORMULA! For whatever reason works for you and your baby; there’s no need to feel guilty for your very personal parenting choice to stop breastfeeding.
Did you have to stop breastfeeding? Share your story in the comments below!
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Andrea says
Thank you for this did you have trouble getting your baby to accept the bottle with formula from you ? ‘Mine is extra stubborn , my question is knowing this is a power struggle how long do you hold out breast to get baby on the bottle ?!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
I’m afraid I’m not much help there. I didn’t have any trouble with my babies accepting the bottle since I was never able to exclusively breastfeed. But here’s a link to a friend’s blog on the topic… http://happyhooligans.ca/baby-wont-take-a-bottle/
Lisa says
I see I’m a little late to the party, but I wanted to thank you for this post. I have also hated breastfeeding from the beginning and ended up exclusively pumping for 4 months (pump and supp for 1additional month) after MANY visits with 4 different IBCLC. I was filled with shame and sadness (luckily not resentment, although bonding was difficult) for the first 2 months of my beautiful boy’s life because I couldn’t nurse him.
Fast forward to 5 months old and my boy is strong and healthy and has been taking formula like a champ (maybe a little disappointed that it’s not quite as yummy as momma’s milk) and I have just pumped my (hopefully) last bottle. I am having all kinds of emotions about it – mostly alternating between guilt and relief.
What I noticed in the last month was how much time I was spending away from my baby. 2-3 hours a day pumping, washing and storing. As someone working 2 part-time jobs, I always felt like I was spending all of my time at home pumping and missing out on what is really important- spending time with my son. I can’t tell you the number of times I pumped and cried while I missed a bath or cuddle time. Yes, babies do a little better with breast milk but they really need their parents.
So, thank you for reminding me that it’s ok. I am so grateful that I found this today and I that I do not have to beat myself up over a successful 5 months of breastfeeding just because it didn’t look like what I expected.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
I can’t tell you how much your comment means to me. Sometimes this blogging gig can feel a little lonely with little “real” feedback that it’s actually making a positive difference in someone’s life. I love that you could connect to my story and find comfort that you are NOT alone in your struggle and your mixed emotions. You are absolutely right: what’s most important is your time with your son. I think you made the right choice! HUGS!
Ana says
Thank you for this post. This is my first baby and he’s only 3 weeks old today. Prior to having him I wasn’t too thrilled about breastfeeding but of course (wanting the best for him) We tried and after a few failed attempts and the nurses having to supplement with a bottle, were able to have 2 really good sessions together the first day. And it was not what I expected. It was a little uncomfortable but also the closest I’ve ever felt to something. It was beautiful and peaceful and I loved it!
But not even 24 hours after he was born he was unfortunately taken to the NICU with a lung infection and put on oxygen and a feeding tube and immediately I was given a pump and told to pump 15 mins every 3 hours. And of course I did so. My milk supply came in right away and I was producing about 8 oz per pumping sessions by day 3. A week later my son was able to come home with us and we tried breastfeeding but because of him being in the NICU for a week, being bottle fed and the time we spent away from each other breastfeeding was a nightmare. I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night dealing with a screaming baby who only ate for 6 or 7 minutes and then would wake up every hour to hour and a half. It was a huge production and it was beyond stressful for the both of us.
I gave up breastfeeding after a week of trying and decided to exclusively pump – it was amazing! My husband was able to feed our baby and bond with him. I was getting more sleep and our son was calmer and overall happier.
The problem is my milk supply has started to deminish because I’m no longer nursing. I’ve tried increasing the amount of time I’m pumping, the amount of times a day I’m pumping but slowly my beautiful milk supply (that I and the lactation ladies were so impressed by) is dwindling. It’s sad to see it go – but I told myself from the beginning that I cannot and will not stress about how our son is eating.
I’m going to be buying my first can of formula this week and begin supplementing until my freezer stash is gone. I’ve heard good things about this brand and this is what I was planning on picking up. So this was a great article to find!
We all have to do what’s best for our babies and for us. A happy mom = happy baby.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
I am so happy you finally found what worked for you and your baby. I know personally how those struggles can be. Also, for milk supply, you can try fenugreek tea or supplements. But of course, it’s okay if it dwindles and you use formula, too. Keep that positive attitude up, Mama!
Ahally says
While I agree that no one should be ashamed of the duration of breastfeeding, the only legit reason above is if it is *actually* impacting your relationship with your baby.
Pain is not a reason to quit, it’s a reason to find a GOOD lactation consultant. Just because their name ends in IBCLC, doesn’t mean they are good at what they do. Try to find an independent one – not one that works at the hospital. OBs, Family practice doctors, NICU doctors, Labor/postpartum/NICU nurses, and pediatricians, unless their title includes “IBCLC” AND they are actually good at it, are often a source of very BAD information, suggestions, and lactation support. Sorry, but it’s true.
As for the stress – it needn’t stress you out. Cover up the bottles while pumping, spend your time in bed, skin-to-skin with your baby. If your emotional state precludes you from EFFECTIVELY managing your stress, then see a mental health professional.
In the end, a formula fed baby is LESS HEALTHY than a baby who never receives formula. There’s no emotion in that statement – it’s a simple fact. Offering formula automatically adds the risk of multiple, long-term, illnesses that greatly contribute to morbidity and mortality in the US. Fact.
And the next person who tells me that formula helps clear neonatal jaundice will get a can of Alimentum to the liver from close range. POOPING clears bilirubin. FORMULA CONSTIPATES babies. BREASTMILK PROMOTES bowel movements. Aggressive treatment is initiated WAY TOO EARLY. Don’t get your only information about treatment (for anything that MIGHT relate to how you feed your baby) from the doctor who is treating your child. Actually LEARN about what is going on and UNDERSTAND WHY the treatment is recommended, what the alternative treatments are, and what the risks and benefits of ALL treatments AND NO TREATMENT are. If you don’t understand this, you are not giving your INFORMED consent, you are simply letting the doctor do what s/he wants.
Block my comment if you want, but it’s time for women to stop feeling sorry for themselves, and start standing up for themselves.
Megan says
I know this comment is really old and so you’ll never see my response, but you are not only drinking some powerful kool-aid but also sound like you have an enormous chip on your shoulder, for some reason. I was formula fed, am now 40 years old, have no chronic diseases nor am on any prescription medications, and ran a marathon three days ago. Your sweeping, not-supported-by-research statements are offensive and serve only to shame women who don’t breastfeed or who supplement their nursing with formula. It’s disgusting, and you ought to be ashamed.
Krissy of B-Inspired Mama says
I’m not sure how I missed your comment years ago, Ahally, but even years later it warrants a reply. Not blocking. A reply.
While I know your intention is positive in promoting the health benefits of breastfeeding – which I don’t think any of us would deny – your delivery is quite condescending. And your statements are insensitive to the fact that each woman brings her own unique circumstances, experiences, health implications, socioeconomic status, etc. etc. etc.
You have no idea what I would have given in that emergency room that night to have had access to a “good” IBCLC. Or in those first months postpartum to have been able to afford mental health care.
Sorry to take so long to reply. It was not for lack of caring.
Jaimi@TheStay-at-Home-MomSurvivalGuide says
If you try your best to breastfeed and it does not work, what does someone expect you to do, starve your child? I am in the midst of breastfeeding twins, and actually it has been the easiest breastfeeding experience of my four kids. My first child I had to stop breastfeeding at five months old b/c I had to have a medical procedure under sedation due to a chronic illness. I could not pump enough with my manual pump to store milk to cover us the four days I would have to stop breastfeeding. I could not afford the “fancy” pump to try to increase my supply. My second child fed all the time! I felt like my supply was not enough, yet she was growing well. Often, we are so sensitive to the challenges of breastfeeding that when it does not seem peaceful and easy, we stop. If your baby is growing and gaining weight, your supply is not the problem. There are nights when babies just want to suck and really don’t need to eat. And, it does hurt at first. I can’t stand when “experts” tell moms that it shouldn’t hurt! Babies need to learn to suck and nipples need to toughen up…that takes a little time. I hurt for the first week to two weeks with my first baby. Baby #2 hurt for a few days, and with my twins it was the same-only a few days. That being said, no one wants a mom to starve her children, and I think the criticism of formula is actually bringing about some great options for more organic concoctions and also homemade versions. I hope moms who read this do not give up if they are facing breastfeeding challenges, but no one should feel guilty for doing what they need to do to care for their children! Throw away the guilt!
lisa says
I had latching issues right from the beginning, so I started pumping since day 1 and 7 months later still pump, now four times a day. I do supplement one bottle due to not making enough anymore, but in no way do I have resentment towards my boy. I thank God every day because I am able to still give him breastmilk and I have no issues with formula (well actually I do, wish we had better options for good formula…best one I’ve been able to find is Baby’s only organic) I do know that not everyone is able to breastfeed and formula is the only way, just really wished we had better choices here in the USA!
Stephanie says
Thank you for this. I also am a formula and breast feeding mommy. It’s so hard not to feel guilty when I start making the formula and the other mommies look at me like I’m a horrible person. It’s taken me a while, but I am feeling better about it. I feel better and so do the twins! I heard this quote once “I will meet my own breastfeeding goals.” I think that’s super important. You could also change it to “I will meet my own feeding goals.” Nobody has the right to judge because they’ve never been in your shoes. Thanks again for this post. 🙂
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
I love those “mantras,” especially the feeding one, because nutrition is obviously the most important anyway. 🙂
Annie says
Thank you for writing this post. I am a first time mother and have had a hard time breastfeeding my baby from the beginning. My milk didn’t come in until almost 7 days after our son was born so by then we were already having to supplement him with formula. The hardest part for me is the shame and guilt I feel for not being able to exclusively breastfeed. I’m embarrassed to buy formula at the store for fear that another mom from my circle of friends is going to see me. I also dread talking to other moms in my community because I know they are going to bring up breastfeeding. I understand the importance of breastfeeding, but there are a lot of moms who can’t for various reasons and they should not be ashamed. I wish my community was more understanding. Thank you for letting us know that it’s okay, formula is okay, and we do not need to feel guilty.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Oh I’m so so sorry you are made to feel shamed in your community. But I’m so glad that this brought you a little comfort. You are definitely NOT alone, and you are doing the best for your baby and being the best mama you can be! {HUGS}