Those First Weeks with a Newborn Can Be Hard…
I know. I’ve been there – three times.
Of course, I’ve only been a new mom once. But seasoned moms know: every baby is different, circumstances are different, and we as moms change over time, too. So those newborn days – whether for the first baby or fifth – can be tough.
That’s why we need to work together; communicate, share, and support one another. Whether you’re a new mother-to-be or a mama expecting her eighth newborn, here are some tips from experienced moms for surviving those first weeks with a newborn…
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Alright, Mamas, what are your best tips for those first weeks with a newborn?
1. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask
“Don’t be afraid to ask for the help you need.” Deirdre from JDaniel4’s Mom
2. Accept Help
“If someone offers to help, take them up on it.” Allison from Train Up A Child
3. Know When to Say “NO”
“Never feel guilty about telling someone it isn’t a good time to stop by and come and see the baby if an onslaught of visitors makes you feel stressed or if you just really want quiet time at home as a family.” Jennifer from The Good Long Road
4. Put Housework Aside
“Don’t worry about the house. Focus on your baby and yourself.” Allison from Train Up A Child
5. Stock Up The Freezer
“Stock up on frozen dinners. Don’t feel guilty if they’re not homemade. Trader Joe’s frozen food is yummy and will please any new mom and dad.” Rebekah from The Golden Gleam
6. Order Take Out
“Order out, stay in, cuddle and enjoy every precious moment.” Crystal from Growing a Jeweled Rose
[Tweet “Newborn Tip: Order out, stay in, cuddle & enjoy every moment.”]
7. Don’t Forget the Photos & Videos
“Take a ton of photos and video clips.” Laura from Play Dr. Mom
8. Have a Lactation Consultant on Speed Dial
“If you’ve decided to breastfeed, make sure to build a relationship with a lactation consultant and other nursing moms prior to the baby’s birth. Breastfeeding doesn’t come easy for many moms, but there are tons of things that you can do and try to make it successful. So give them a call as soon as you feel there might be problems.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
9. Don’t Forget The Big Kids
“With baby #4, family members took the older siblings out for the day a couple times, and I loved that time to sleep and truly relax with the baby!” MaryAnne from Mama Smiles
10. There’s No Such Thing as Spoiling a Baby
“Don’t let anyone tell you that you are holding your baby too much. You are the mama, do what feels right to you.” Amy from Z is for Zel
[Tweet “Newborn Tip: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re holding your baby too much.”]
11. Be Open to Change
“My best piece of advice is always ‘never say never.’ In any given moment you will try any given thing you need to do in order to get through that moment. For instance, just when you say you will ‘never use a pacifier,’ you will be sending your partner to the store at midnight to pick you up a pacifier!” Jennifer from Kitchen Counter Chronicles
[Tweet ” Newborn Tip: Never Say Never! In any given moment you will try anything in order to get through that moment.”]
12. Call the Doctor or Midwife
“Don’t be afraid to call the pediatrician or midwife if you have any questions or concerns about the health of yourself or your baby. That’s what we pay them for!” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
13. Limit Visitors
“Ban visits. We told our families that we didn’t want them to descend on us on day one. We asked them to give us a week to get used to being a family of three. Of course, they ignored our request but it did mean they weren’t there every day and we had given a clear message that we needed some space. When it’s your first, YOU want to get used to holding them before you have to play pass the parcel.” The Monko from Taming the Goblin
14. Take Advantage of Naptime
“A lot of newborns sleep a lot. Take advantage of this; It doesn’t last long.” The Monko from Taming the Goblin
15. Follow Your Instincts
“When we brought my daughter home she just wanted to sleep and didn’t want to wake up to nurse. My family kept telling me to ‘never wake a sleeping baby,’ but it just didn’t feel right to let her sleep so much and go without nutrition. So I took her in to see my midwife who checked her blood and found that she was severely jaundice. She was re-admitted to the hospital and needed to be supplemented with formula and spend 24 hours under the lights. I’m so glad I followed my instincts and that she got better quickly.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
16. Don’t Forget Your Needs
“I feel strongly that you won’t know how you will feel until after the birth, so give yourself the freedom to do or say what will make you the happiest and most comfortable in this tender time. Be kind to yourself because your body will be going through so many changes and you’ll need time to adjust to the new member of your family and the changes it will bring to your life and your relationship with your spouse.” Chrissy from The Outlaw Mom
17. Get Dad Involved
“I think it’s important to get your partner involved with the baby’s care as soon as possible. Especially if they aren’t too comfortable or experienced with babies. That way you can feel good about letting them help out and give you breaks.” Krissy from B-Inspired Mama
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Annie Perry says
I loved reading this advice! However I will say that to the mom who wrote “Don’t let anyone tell you that you are holding your baby too much. You are the mama, do what feels right to you.” Actually, I have witnessed a case where the mother and father did hold their baby too much, to the point where the babies neck was crooked at 3 months, and an occupational therapist had to come and work with the infant so that their neck muscles were not permanently deformed. I do agree that moms usually know best, but everything in moderation I guess!
Krissy of B-Inspired Mama says
Thank you for sharing that perspective, Annie. That is a good point. Any good thing in excess can end up being a bad thing, I guess.
Savannah says
This is a GREAT list! My first was born last March, and one thing I will definitely remember for next time is the limiting of visitors. While I know family wants to get to know the baby, I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of people in my home at all hours of the day and night :/ Thank you so much for sharing this! <3
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
That’s such a hard lesson to learn the hard way. It’s this crazy mixture of wanting to show off your brand new baby, not wanting to hurt any family or friends’ feelings, and being exhausted and overwhelmed all at the same time! Thanks for sharing your throughts with us.
Kate J. says
I’m blown away by how supportive and nonjudgmental all of you are. This is the nicest set of comments I’ve read on the internet, but especially concerning new mothers. Keep being wonderful and supportive! I’m definitely bookmarking this website for when it’s my turn for our first little one.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
That comment just made my day, Kate! I loving bringing mamas TOGETHER to learn from and support one another!!
Kay says
Mother of 6 (yes, thanks to a set of twins we managed to do that in five years). I honestly expected the usual nonsense (sleep when your baby sleeps! Really? Yes, I can sleep during the day in 15 minute increments (child 2)). This is actually a good beginner list, quite frankly the first decent list I’ve seen. But when you’re on baby 3&4 and the other two are still littles, please for the love of all that is holy COME OVER AND TAKE A BABY. All in all a very good list. Though the “get dad involved” did sorta irritate me. Really? My father (WWII veteran) was a hands-on father. That is exactly what I expected. I didn’t get pregnant alone and there is no excuse whatsoever for a father not to automatically start changing diapers, comforting a baby or anything else a mother does. In this house we are equal. I feel sorry for couples where they feel the need “to get the father involved”. That’s just wrong.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
I can totally see your point about the “get dad involved” tip. But unfortunately, in our society, some new moms still need to be reminded of this. There are still (patriarchal and sexist) expectations put on mothers to be super-moms and not expect involvement from dad. But I love that you have that perspective and shared it!
NW says
This is for anyone who is reading this to learn how to treat their friends with newborns.
Not everyone wants to be alone with their baby for days or weeks on end. This was not postpartum depression for me; I’m just very unhappy when I feel isolated. I got tons of time alone with my babies. When friends would visit and leave quickly (intending to make it easier for me), I would want to beg them to stay. Until the baby blues passed, I had a very hard time being home alone. Even after that, I still felt very lonely, but everyone thought they had to give me time alone. So just don’t assume everyone is like that. I wish I were, but I’m not. Ask your individuals friends with newborns what they want.
Also, a clean house is like therapy to me. I developed some mild anxiety, and a messy house makes it a thousand times worse. When my house is clean, the anxiety is barely there. I couldn’t just leave the cleaning alone after I had kids, even though I probably should have. The people I appreciated the very most were the ones who came over and offered to clean something for me.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
That is such great advice. Every mama is different. And I’m the same way – I really long for social interaction and would welcome visitors.
LMH says
Are you me? I was seriously reading this list and thinking how it didn’t fit my experience at all! I have a three year old and a three week old, and I am dying for company! Unfortunately, all the people I know who would like to drop in all the time have actual lives and responsibilities of their own and can’t just hang out in my house 24/7. So I fill my time with housework instead! Having a clean space to relax in takes some of my internal stress from the baby blues away. There are days when I’m too tired to ‘do it all’, but on days when I get up and get moving and do something productive, I feel much better, even if it means baby fusses a little while I finish up some dishes or hang up laundry. Something I don’t think first-time moms hear enough is that it’s okay if your baby isn’t happy all the time- as long as you’re doing your best and meeting their needs, you’re doing great. Sometimes you just need to do things for yourself!
NW says
Glad I’m not the only one! My two kids were very close in age (16 months); my first child wasn’t even walking yet when the second one was born. It was a physical impossibility to address the baby’s needs immediately all of the time. There were times when my other baby needed me, and the newborn would just have to wait. Guess which one is much more well-adjusted and even-keeled. Yes, the second child, who I had to let fuss quite a bit more than my first did. I’m sure a lot of that had to do with their basic personalities, but I do think it’s proof that we pile way too much guilt on ourselves over how quickly we respond to our babies. Sometimes it’s ok for them to wait a little bit while other necessities get taken care of, and what constitutes a necessity is going to be different from family to family and child to child.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Yes – you’re so so right that it is different from child to child and family to family. We are all so different, yet we are united as mothers in the love we have for our kids!
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Yep – I agree that it’s important to know that babies can fuss for a time if needed. A well adjusted mama is just as important for them!
cindi.crandall says
These tips really give me inspirations on how to treat my little one well. thank you so much!
Courtney says
As a newlywed who can’t wait to have kids, this is a great post! It seems overwhelming, but it is nice that this post almost seems to validate what you’ve all felt, and that its okay when sometimes it doesn’t feel like it! Thanks in advance!
Lisa @ Charlie The Cavalier says
Asking for help was the hardest part for me but the best thing I did in the end.
Cricket says
My advice is to start or join a moms group. I'm due in January and was invited to join a select group of stay at home moms on facebook. Our little group is mostly girls I've known since we were little, and the group is absolutely private. We all have to agree to invite anyone into the group because we are all very open. Even for this pregnancy it has made my life so much better. I can post symptoms and someone will know what I'm going through. If you're researching something, someone else will have researched it too and can give insight. Women NEED women, and more than that moms NEED moms. The support of someone who has had a shared experience is priceless and can not be overstated.
Anonymous says
We are expecting our suprise baby in 8 days. Our other 2 are 13 and 15….wish I would have had this advice way back then. Thanks for the post. =)
Anonymous says
don't forget to swaddle your baby. they like the feeling of still being in utero,it's especially good for calming a cranky baby.
Anonymous says
Thank you for this post we are expecting our first in March and I tend to get overwhelmed even now. Thank you all for your honesty.
Jen@thecraftingfiend says
it's ok to cry because the sky is blue if you need a cry – have a cry. and then get yourself a little treat. make ahead lots of one handed eating foods so you can munch while you nurse – I always have a hard time getting my calories in with breastfeeding.
Anonymous says
I had extremely horribly postpartum depression. I was lucky my mom and husband were there to help me. I wish I knew then what i know now, and could go back and enjoy my son as a newborn. He's only 4 months old now, but he was tiniest, sweetest newborn who just wanted to be held and loved and I couldn't give it to him. No one told me breastfeeding was hard or that he would be up every 2 or 3 hours to eat and being told that my instincts were wrong by the doctors when they were actually right made it all the more frustrating. I agree wholeheartedly it's hard, and anyone that says it isn't must be superwoman or have amazing hormones. I love my son so much now, I gave up my career and everything I worked for up until now to be there for him for now and truth be told, he's the best full time job I've ever had. Good luck and best wishes to all the new mamas out there.
Schaara says
Love this post! Our first is due in February and I will definitely keep all these things in mind. Thanks from a first time momma!
Courtney Smith says
My number one tip! You don't have to answer the phone! Let it ring, its not a big deal. This rule ment alot when we had our 3rd this past May. I had to get my oldest to school, and rustle up an 16 month old all while trying to breast feed. Our message on the machine was “Felix Michael Neil-8lbs 10oz, we're doing great. And because we're so much more in love with him more than you, we'll call you back when hes sick of us! Thank you again!” People thought it was hilarious, heard his name, weight, and knew we were thinking of our own family. Remember you don't have to answer the phone! (If you don't answer the phone you can't be guilted into inviting people either)
Anonymous says
Thank you! This is a wonderful idea! I just found out that I am pregnant (with my first) and I am already stressing about the amount of family members that will descend upon our home once the baby is born!
Anonymous says
I wish I followed number three and thirteen from day one!! Now looking at the past five months I have been overwhelmed with people feeling that they have a right to stop or call at anytime. It's almost like they don't think that we need our space anymore. So anyone that has a large family….please ask for space before it seems too late!!
Olusola says
Yes, yes, yes to all especially number 16. My first few weeks with twins was mind-numbing. Whenever I woke up earlier to shower and dress up nice, it was like an energy boost.
Anonymous says
Wow. I just found out I'm pregnant with my first baby and this is sending me into stress mode! Most of my friends are moms and no one really told me it was that hard. And a few pretty exceptional moms actually make it seem easy. Bring the stress on, girls! Thanks.
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Mama, don't stress! I think the moms that have the hardest time are the ones who have no idea. These moms are just being honest so that other expecting moms like you can be prepared with support people and systems in place BEFORE times get tiring and trying. But trust me, the love of your new sweet baby will be SO worth it! Congrats, Mama!!
JDaniel4's Mom says
I so wished I had a list like this when my son was a baby.
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
I know, right, Dierdre?! Me, too!
Allison says
Great post, and I love the honest answers from everyone.
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Thanks, Allison!
Anonymous says
Something I have told new mamas is this:
It is Hard.
I have been thanked many times for this truth.
Nobody told me that it was hard, so I thought something was wrong with me that it wasn't all sunshine and unicorn and roses nor really much fun for the first while.
Of course, it keeps getting better!
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Thanks so much for your honesty!
Bella Mater says
TRUTH!
Labor is hard and it hurts!
Your first poop after giving birth is downright terrifying! (Not painful, just really scary)
Learn from my fail: don’t go for a 3 block walk the day after you’ve given birth no matter how nice the weather! Go outside, sure, but stay close to home and comfy chairs.
But we’ve all come through it!
I cannot stress enough the point about accepting help! Not even accepting: DEMAND it (politely, sure, but DO ASK) it IS overwhelming and your horomones are ALL OVER the place! This is the root of PPD: mitigate it by surrounding yourself with a network!
Don’t overthink the moral implications of breast-feeding versus formula feeding, cloth versus disposable diapering… if your child is FED and CLEANED, that’s all that matters.
Be prepared to be incredibly in love with this strange creature.
S’all I’ve got off the top of my head.
Oh, and Netflix/Audible/Kobo.
Krissy @ B-Inspired Mama says
Such a good point about not overthinking the moral implications of those hot-button issues. It can drive you nuts!
maryanne @ mama smiles says
I <3 this post as the mother of a newborn!!!
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Thanks, MaryAnne!
Anonymous says
Letting Dad do things is really important. When I came home after the hospital I'd had maybe 10 hours of sleep in the past few days. That night I got no sleep, and about 10 the next morning my husband forced me to go to bed and he would do it. Of coarse he came in every 5 minutes asking questions, but the break was still very needed. He's not the tender kind, but later that day he even made me something to eat cause I hadn't ate all day.
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
What an awesome husband you have! While J.C. (7 months old) is my third, he is my fiance's first child. So I made sure to get him to jump right into baby care early on. It really helped. Now he's a pro and I have no problems leaving the baby with him when I need to.
Marcia (123 blog) says
Share your struggles. It looks like everybody has it together but really, everybody just isn't saying anything negative… til you do 🙂
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Marcia – thank you so much for sharing this. I think this is so true that so many women feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit when they are struggling postpartum. But it is really quite normal and needs to be communicated. It would certainly help to break the stigma associated with postpartum depression. Thank you!
Meagan says
I would say, give yourself permission to feel overwhelmed. When we brought our son home 3 months ago, it was an overwhelming experience. I had so many hormones going and was so worn out that I cried often. It was usually because I was just so amazed that I could love something so tiny so much. My husband was amazing and supported me every time, telling that it was ok to cry and ok to feel all of it. Giving yourself the release helps a lot… And doesn't mean you can't handle it. You can. 🙂
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
Yes, you're right. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you at all if you cry or become overwhelmed with emotion. It's totally normal! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Meagan!
Michelle@ Learning to Be a Mom says
Oh how I wish I had known all of these things 18 months ago. Those first few weeks were very overwhelming and emotional for me. I'll try to remember these for our next baby.
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
I had a very overwhelming time the first few weeks after each of my three, too. I think it's very normal.
Anonymous says
I'm expecting my second child in 3 weeks, and this post is exactly what I needed to read. Especially the idea of limiting visitors – this was great advice with my beautiful newborn daughter. You're the one who did all the hard work to bring that baby into your family, you should get to spend as much time snuggling them as you like! My one other piece of advice is odd, but shower daily. Sometimes it's hard to find time to yourself when you have a newborn, and making sure you feel clean and refreshed goes a long way to helping a new mom get back into the swing of things!
Krissy Sherman Bonning says
I know what you mean about the showering! I sometimes let that slide being a stay at home mama, but I always feel so much better when I can get one in early in the day. Congrats on your upcoming little one!
Natalie Johnson says
All the posts are great. Please do limit visits if that stresses you out. I remember when our first was born and my mother in law thought she was helping by coming over and cooking dinner every night for the first week but she never cleaned up the kitchen! I was a neat freak then and I couldn’t sleep with a messy kitchen. Oh what a couple of kids will do to you:^) She also used to drop by every day unannounced and I was always breastfeeding, about to get in the shower, just laying the baby down, etc. You have to set up boundries! My husband did and I know she was just so excited to have a grandson. She was absolutely wonderful after that conversation and was a dream after the second child.